The Secret Diary of James Haskell (IQ 25 1/2). Date: 18th September

Well, this has been a turn up for the books.

Initially, I thought there was some mistake, because isn’t Georgia in the USA and they have a team here already, but Woody sat me down with “The Big Boys Book of European Countries” and pointed out where it was. But still, why was THE BIG BRAND not set out to DOMINATE these minnows. So, it’s a given that I was fuming, literally fuming, on Thursday when Jonno told me that I’d be DOMINATING the bench against Georgia. Not even a session in the weight room could cheer me up. Continue reading “The Secret Diary of James Haskell (IQ 25 1/2). Date: 18th September”

The Secret Diary of James Haskell (IQ 25 1/2). Date: 16th September

Well, I’m feeling proper pleased with myself today. So far in this RWC, I’ve DOMINATED the flight out, DOMINATED the Argies (apparently they speak Spanish, who knew?) and DOMINATED the weight room. However, the next step in the evolution of THE BIG BRAND is upon is. It’s now time for JAMES “BAD MOTHERFUCKER” HASKELL to DOMINATE the internets. Continue reading “The Secret Diary of James Haskell (IQ 25 1/2). Date: 16th September”

The Secret Diary of James Haskell (IQ 25 1/2). Date 14th September

OK- now that I know where this entry originally came from- it wasn’t me: it was originally posted by cleftydave (see below) in Planet Rugby, and I saw it in the Guardian but Mr. West (who posted it) didn’t know where it was from either and just included it with the rest of them, as it gave me the idea (well, I shamelessly pinched the idea).

This is by far the funniest entry. Mea Culpa. Apologies for extreme laziness. But I am a fat cartoon cat working for a megalomaniac, so is that any surprise?

And then there were 30. Seriously, I’d better get down to Boots I’m nearly out of hair sculpting moose.

Anyway, got a call from the big man himself. He was practically in tears, begging me to come on tour with him. You know what? I was flattered. Well, I’m always flattered, usually by everyone. But I had to say no. I mean, he’s not ever the president of Stade anymore. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, though, so I went into DOMINATION™ mode, which Max totally loves, and said, “Not this summer, honey. I’ve got other fish to fry…” [Note to self, check if a Kiwi is actually a fish, otherwise, cut the line.]

So, anyway, I was talking to my agent and he was going on about the need to spread the BRAND™, which got me worried since Max used to call it that, but he explained that I was going over to Japan to DOMINATE™ the Chinese next season. I can’t pretend I’m not looking forward to it, Donncha is always telling my that I love Jap’s eyes but I’m not sure what he’s talking about so this’ll be the perfect time to find out.
Continue reading “The Secret Diary of James Haskell (IQ 25 1/2). Date 14th September”